Find your way back

I’m constantly being punished for all the wrong of done to those in the past. The hatred, the lies, the distrust; they have all paved a way right to this very moment. I want to explain this feeling of a heavy burden deep down inside of me. It’s like a weight string to my heart, a restraint compressing on my lungs and a hand squeezing tightly around my throat. There’s no escaping this feeling what so ever. The depression, regret, confusion and sadness cloud my judgment. I can’t control what my mind might tell me to do next because my body is powerless. I’m weak, I have no more strength to rebuild myself upon because I’ve used every bit lingering inside of my liveless soul and empty being. I’m still suffocating here waiting to be saved. Waiting for someone to acknowledge the strength and will power I once had. The old me is remembered by strength, beauty, courage and power. Everything she is, is not whom I have become. I lost site of her quickly as I believed I actually were to gain more strength. Fully aware of my wrong doing I continued on, hoping that one day that woman who I once was would return. Leaving everything for the tomorrow’s and the maybes. If there is no change to be had than my life will perish with no significant value. I beg of you, please find your way…

Lovely lies

If you would have asked me why I did it, initially I have no right answer. See I’ve been living a lie for quite sometime that turned into my own reality. It started the day I left the life I once knew would be my future. Broken into pieces, I carried the baggage of guilty and despair. I walked around tiringly searching for what I once knew was love.

Very young, impressionable, but very tough. I talked my way in and out of situations that the weak and timid couldn’t bare to withstand. My mother raised a warrior is all I knew. But this warrior was getting beat in a battle against herself.

I used a lie against them who I knew did not deserve my truth. I was the raw and precious stone I knew I was since the day my conscious grew aware. Each lie not only hurt them but damaged myself in the long run. There were the few whom I lied to and hurt deeply because I knew the might have deserved a better me. But those came slim to none and often knew their worth before I realized it.

My past haunts me and tears me back down to that point when I first left. I say to myself,” I know how to cope with this, just tell another lie”. See because thats the only way to cover up the hurt, despair, damage, and misfortune I’ve caused.

Miracle Journal 6

Today is my day for consecutive wins, I am in my season of consecutive wins! Lord please give me more responsibilities so that the outcome is more income. I receive every obstacle and challenge up ahead of me. I was chosen to be great and built to be strong. The battle I fight was created because God knows I can overcome it. Lord I ask for more responsibilities, more income, more brainstorming, more learning, more business ventures. All that you can give me, I receive it.

The Answer

I know precisely what you need to draw nearer to me. Go through each day looking for what I have prepared for you. Accept every event as my hand- tailored provision for your needs. When you view your life this way, the most reasonable response is to be thankful. Do not reject any of my gifts; find me in every situation.

– God

The Company We Keep

There are two types of people in your life:1. the type of people that listen and help guide you through struggle; 2. The type of people that wait for you to become successful

My biggest fear in life is not overcoming fear. It means being extremely self aware of my bad traits but I actually never overcoming them. I have this recurring dream that I become very successful and some man tries to come in and take a piece of my hard earned success. I know that you might be thinking “please, nobody wants to steal your money”. But honestly, look at the world we live in now. People are more concerned about themselves that they just want what they can get out of each other. It’s called a ” use-use” situation. This year on my birthday April 24th marked my 3 year anniversary of reclaiming my youth and freedom. I was in a relationship 4 years where him and I only used each other. We believed that there was love there but love couldn’t hold our relationship together. Needless to say, I made the biggest decision to let go of that type 2 person in my life and focus on becoming a better type 1 person for myself. Anyone who knows me will probably tell you I am the biggest encourager. I love to encourage and mentor people, hence why I have a passion for fitness. My clients are my number one priority during scheduled sessions. I want to know everything from how the workout affects them, to what their personal goals are and what we can do to get them to the next level. I always want to build relationship with each of my clients. This is very important to me because I can get a sense of who they really are and learn their personalities. You’d be surprised how much I’ve learned from my clients just getting to know them. I’ve learned over the years that people are very different, but it’s what makes us different that brings us together.

Miracle journal entry 5

Lord I come to you today seeking a specific miracle. I would like to receive a break in my financial hardship. That break will allow me to catch up on bills and plan for future bills to come. I put my complete trust in you. I put my life, my heart, and my dedication in you. This miracle will come today and I will speak life into it.

Amen

Miracle Journal 4

“Teach me your way Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness, give me and undivided heart, that’s I may fear your name”
Psalm 86:11

Let me live a life in scripture and faith. Let me seek you for all of the answers that I need. Today marks the first day of yet another step towards my dreams. Today I take the next step to making my visions a reality. Right now I don’t feel all that confident but I definitely believe that greatness will come for me today. Its something about my Christian faith that keeps me going. Its that kind of faith that no matter what happens, I still end up with a smile. You can’t tell me anything when I’m rejoicing. No minimal earthly struggle can hold me back from rejoicing. That’s how powerful my faith is. My faith brought me to this exact moment at this exact point in time. This is exactly where I am suppose to be. With this overwhelming blessing, I will take further action to become as successful as I can be.

Miracle Journal Entry 3

Jan 6th 2015

I did not seek a miracle today but I did focus on getting a peace of mind. I did a lot of thinking negatively and tried to get myself out of it. I am a bit happier because I am off of work and at home writing. I guess that is the the indirect miracle I am seeking today whether I mention it or not. I plan on writing a little more tonight and focusing my mind on more positive thoughts. Here we go…

Miracle Journal Entry

January 2, 2015

The miracle that I am looking for today is, I would like to see or hear a sign that I am qualified to purchase a new car. In 2014 I have struggled with the cost of up keep on my old vehicle. From break down, to repairs, from repairs to recalls my pockets are dry and my mind is full of stress. Yes my car has been very faithful over the past years getting me from point A to B. But my faithfulness to my vehicle has cost me more than I can afford, with money and faith. I want this miracle to happen and it will happen with a new vehicle.

New Ventures: The Miracle Journal

The day before Christmas I was enrolled in a 7 week training course called “The Best Sellers Project” about marketing with self proclaimed Tiphani Montgomery. This course excited me from the moment I found out about it searching through Instagram from encouragement to pursue entrepreneurship. Tiphani sent frequent emails of encouragement, helpful tips, and resources she knew were helpful. One email she sent after purchasing the program had an assignment to begin a “Miracle Journal”. At first I thought, eh I don’t do journaling correctly because I am always busy and my schedule changes. Then I thought what the heck might as well. So I began to journal.

Wednesday December 24, 2014

Well the miracle I asked for a few days ago (which I never wrote down) gave me a different prospective on my views. One particular view was that I just knew I wanted to be single. But yet God showed me otherwise. I am definitely closer to my faith with every obstacle I go through in life. Yet I am still very grateful for everything that comes as a blessing.
Today’s miracle I would like for God to show me the positivity in every negative (or what I perceive). Specifically speaking, I would like to see the exact positive reason why I traveled to Texas for the holidays.