Getting Closure

Ever wonder why things ended so abruptly? Ever wonder why your feelings were so hurt? Ever wonder why the other person never left an apology? Well I’m here to tell you, you’re not alone. Countless people everyday going through breakups, a loved one dying, and losses are asking themselves these same questions.

I want to focus on the relationship aspect of closure. Being that I’ve experienced a few breakups myself, I can attest to knowledge of receiving closure. First let me tell you one major key to breakups: you won’t always receive closure! Especially the type that your heart desires to have. See, in your mind you believe that the other person should consider your feelings. You wish that the other person will let you down easy. Unfortunately, that’s not the way closure works entirely. In fact, it seems as if it works the total opposite. The other person breaks up with you on THEIR OWN terms. Their own timing. They do what’s best for them giving the circumstances of the relationship.

As the person seeking closure from a break up, you are thinking of self. You are half way right with the decision to consider yourself. But in the process, remember that thinking of yourself doesn’t mean hurting the other person in the process. Here’s the healthier practices to creating closure:

1. Separate yourself from the other person: having distances between you two will help you keep from trying to go back to them.
2. Express your emotions: write a letter to them (its best you don’t send), express forgiveness and your feelings about the breakup
3. Go forward: look at the positive outcome and towards a greater future

Sometimes closure practices can take you a little longer than expected. For myself I remember a time in my life where a break up took me 2 YEARS. So trust me when I say, it’s a process. More importantly, trust that you are strong enough to get through this. You know how the saying goes; when one door closes, another door opens

A dream

I had the same reoccurring dream 3 nights in a row. The first night; we were on our way to a friend’s wedding. We were driving in the car reminiscing on our past memories. What seemed to be a short drive turned into a movie of memorable moments. On the second night; we were on our way to a friend’s wedding driving, reminiscing and began to noticed certain detours on our journey. As we tried to come to an agreement on which detour to take. We just decided that we would agree to disagree. I can tell this trip was a bit uneasy on the both of us.

The third night; as we were on our way to a friend’s wedding. We started to learn the new and unknown things about the car, the trip and about each other. Conversation on this ride seemed to be eventful and filled with laughter. As we turned right into a parking lot, to our surprise a pink Tesla was parked just ahead of us. We admired the car, decided to park and get out for some photos. I waited for you to get out and come open my door. You were always a perfect gentleman. As I prepared my phone for the photos, you opened my door and got down on one knee. I looked up from my screen and to my surprise you were waiting with a smile and a small box. A few words later, you asked the one question that made tears roll down my face.

I never had a reoccurring dream before. Also with so much hidden meaning. I can’t say that I’ve always made the right decisions in life when it came to dating and love. But I will say that learning lessons and experiencing life was well worth it. If it’s meant to be, it surely will find a way.

Floral arrangement

Please wait while I offer you a piece of my heart.
I’ll give you a part of my flower bed, something that is sacred as the words written in a covenant.
You promised you would guard it with your life, cherish every moment and give it the love it needed to sustain.
But instead of watering it with love, you withheld the nutrients it needed to coexist in such a hateful world.
You let my flower experience just what this world has become hate, lies and betrayal.
I never wanted much from you, but you held the watering can to give this beautiful plant life.
If your intentions are to let it wither away, give it back to me.
I will revive it. I will supply it. I will admire it. I will do all the things you couldn’t do.

Dirty Laundry

Everyone’s got a past behind what they might show people daily. Some bits of the past may have us feeling shameful and uneasy. But having secrets while in a relationship can be very detrimental. Especially the secrets that affect the relationship itself.

I was dating this real estate owner once whom taught me the most valuable lesson in a relationship. That was, stay true to yourself. In the beginning of us dating, he expressed that he was very much interested in me. He traveled and was well connected. So naturally I thought he was a player. I began to play him at a game I thought we both were playing.

I continued to go on dates with other people and entertain conversation with other men. He quickly caught on to my dishonesty and creeped through my personal belongings. Text messages, calls and emails to other men is what he found, but he didn’t reveal his finds to me upfront. One evening after dinner at a lavish restaurant, he showered me with champagne and slow music. He knew that getting me relaxed would put me in the good mood. The right mood alright…

He approached me by mentioning that we had a mutual friend. My response was very easy and nonchalant. He then asked me if I ever went on a date with this person. I giggled and asked if it matter whether or not we did so. Then he started coming at me with questions that felt like bullets piercing my skin. Each question I responded with a lie. Each lie, he challenged me with the truth. As all of the lies seemed to break me down, I cried in agony as though he had caused physical pain. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I began with the truth.

See I was so accoustomed to telling a lie only to apease the person and try to sheild them from the ugly truth. But not knowing that the truth is what he needed the most. This man could have loved me if I just began with the truth in the beginning. But I’ll never know that because I rather carry the lies I told in that moment. More importantly I needed to be truthful to myself that way facing people wouldn’t feel like I had to lie to myself to make myself look a certain way.

Trusting the Timing of Your Life #dwaps

I’m just like millions of other people out there having a very hard time understanding the reality that there is an order to our lives. I’m a firm believer that my life was completely mapped out. I may not know what is to come next, but if I stay grounded success will sure to follow me. That’s not to say some unfortunate events may happen along the way.

The other night I got dressed for a social outing. I knew that of course there would be attractive men there, so of course I wore a cute outfit that complimented my figure, prepared my hair and did my makeup just right. What woman you know doesn’t like to look and feel beautiful? My point exactly. So of course it was Valentine’s weekend. There would be tons of couples out and a select few single people looking for someone to look their way. I can admit, I wanted the attention. Even if it was just a compliment or someone trying to get my number so I can turn them down.

As usual, few guys gave me compliments and I even gave my business card to one guy trying to make casual conversation. But after a while something clicked in my mind. I realized, I wasn’t desperate for those compliments. I even didn’t feel any different from the moment I looked in the mirror and grinned at my appearance. Deep down inside, I knew that I was beautiful and looked amazing. No man could convince me I looked any better for circumstancial opportunities.

At that very moment at the bar while drinking my alcohol beverage, I knew I was at the right place in my life where I needed to be. That is, loving myself.

Dating With a Purpose Series

Back in 2015 as the year came close to an end I thought about my New Years resolution. Now I know what you’re saying, no one sticks to the broken promises they make to themselves during the New Year celebration. Myself included in the past few years. But I also know there are countless people out there wishing they would have. Wishing they would have pushed harder to achieve that resolution. Or wishing they wouldn’t have the fear that kept them from achievement.

Today is day 42. That might not seem like a lot for you, but that’s 42 days of regret. 42 days of fighting sinful pleasures. 42 days of dealing with past pain. 42 days of healing. 42 days of renewal. Of them all, renewal stands out the most. I am renewed in my faith for God. I am renewed in not letting a man in my sacred temple. I am renewed in my strength of resistance. I feel so overwhelmingly powerful. The power I have always had inside of me is scratching the surface and dying to come out.

So my New Years resolution this year is, dating with a purpose. To me this means, having a stronger relationship with God. This also means that I will allow, when the time is right, a man to court me properly. There will be no casual sex. AT ALL. I will pray about any situation that I encounter before making a final decision. I want people to know a different side of me they don’t know, but will be delighted to find out about. Over the course of this year, I’ll give insight to my experiences, my thoughts, and my purpose for this resolution. As I always say : don’t wish me luck, send me blessings. 

Love, Evalena

Relationship Goals

It’s great to see your favorite celebrity couple living lavish lives, traveling to different countries and making tons of money together. It’s more common to see pictures of couples holding hands, sharing public affection and showering each other with love. But is this reality?

Now in society, we have looked to social media and the internet to answer of questions on how to love. I’m not saying that social media is full of lies. All I’m saying is social media isn’t YOUR reality. Your life and relationship is based upon yourself and your significant other. We are we so busy looking for the “relationship goal” types, that we seem to forget we have goals in our own relationships.

What if I was to tell you that your significant other despised the fact that you enjoy social media a little too much? What if your significant other recognized that there are problems going on in your relationship? Guess what, social media can’t answer any of those questions for you personal situation. Your situation is unique.

It’s time to start valuing your relationship for what you want it to be. It’s time to honor and uplift the person that you’re with. Stop looking for relationship validation on social media and start validating who you are for the person you are with. Instead of #relationshipgoals, try #lovingMyrelationship.

Miracle Journal 8

He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.

John 3:36

Dear God I come to you today in accordance to my obedience. I need your consistent guidance in my life. I believe that you provide all great things in my life and continue to show mercy. I ask for the miracle of continued obedience. Lord use me as a vessel to show the people that your way is the only way.

Humility prayer

Why do you see the spec that is in your brothers eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, “let me take the spec out of you eye” when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to take the spec out of your brother’s eye.

Matthew 7:3-5

Miracle Journal 7

Today I would like to find gratification in putting my trust in that one person. I know that he has my best interest because he never lets me down. I want to fully trust him. Everyone says that I’m a fool if I don’t because he’s the right man for me. He’s patient, understanding, generous and loyal. What more in a man can you want? So today I’m taking the next step to committing my life, trust and being to him. He deserves it. God if you can hear me, I want you to know that you are the only man needed in my life. I want to thank you for doing everything for me even when I don’t deserve it. I am forever grateful and humble to you. I love you.